


Crushes and Zombies

by xXxDeadEyesNekuxXx



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gore, Humanstuck, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Multi, Oneshot, Zombiestuck, badass Karkat, davekat - Freeform, some sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 17:09:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3496256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXxDeadEyesNekuxXx/pseuds/xXxDeadEyesNekuxXx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Zombiestuck). Follow Karkat's short journey through tough times as he deals with zombies and things that hit a little too close to home. No-one ever said surviving alone was easy but in this world, sometimes it was for the best or at least Karkat kept telling himself that. (DaveKat). (Oneshot).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crushes and Zombies

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Suicide mention among other things…

As soon as the virus broke out, you had been alone. You hadn't teamed up with a bunch of people nor did you die. Over the duration of the first month, you had seen so many die because one of their friends would have gotten infected only to attack them once they turned. It was gory and quite heartbreaking to watch so you left your hometown and avoided all human life. It was tough being alone but you quickly learned how to defend yourself. Rather than having to look out for somebody, you only had to focus on yourself which was less risky. So, until the day you would fuck up and get eaten by a horde you would be like a lone wolf. 

Of course, you ran into somebody you used to know. Jade, a girl from your school who could defend herself quite well. She said she had gotten separated from her friends during some shoot-up thing with a rival group. It was strange that even now, humans were still fighting each-other. You didn't ask her which friends of hers survived because they were your friends too. You'd rather not know and declined her offer for you to join the group. However, you did agree to help her get back to them. It was the least you could do after Jade taught you what berries were good to eat.

It was a rainy day when you two found them. They were hanging out at some warehouse. The night was coming and usually the more deadlier zombies were active after dark. So, after some insisting, you went with Jade but wore a cloak with the hood cast over your head. There was no way you were going to let anymore friends recognise you. Being alone was the best option in your mind. Less to stress about.  
When you saw who the leader was of this group of friends though, you felt pain stab at your heart. It was Dave… It would have to be, wouldn't it? The world must have hated you because that was the worst thing ever. If someone had asked why you felt pain it was because… Dave had a crush on you. Yep, the douchebag had a crush on you, Karkat-fucking-Vantas. Well he had until the outbreak happened and you never saw each-other during it. 

Back in school, it seemed that only you yourself had noticed how much Dave actually liked you. No one else knew or seemed to. The blonde was always trying to act cool all the time but as soon as you were talking to him, he faltered more often than usual and seemed nervous. He would get jealous too when you were talking to Gamzee.  
As soon as you had found out about your admirer, you hadn't known what to think or do. Often, you questioned just how long the douche had been crushing on you. So, you pretended to be oblivious but you pitied Dave. The poor guy never confessed but at times it was like he was going to only for the moment to be interrupted by friends and such. You had caught his frowns full of sadness whenever he failed to say something and it hurt to watch. But you never worked out why Dave had fallen for someone like you because really, you didn't view yourself as amazing. You were average, below average even. 

So, seeing Dave again wasn't what you expected or wanted. The blonde probably assumed you died ages ago or had hope you were fine. Either way, revealing yourself to the blonde was dangerous. It was best to leave as soon as possible.  
Jade had discussed her time with you to the group and had said you called yourself 'No-Name' so your cover wouldn't be blown. She really was a good friend and it looked like everyone else agreed because so many people hugged her upon seeing her safe return.  
Because of this, they gave you some supplies as thanks and asked you to stay but Jade explained that you would rather be alone and was only going to stay for the night.  
"I'll be out of your hair by morning." You said to the group, making sure your voice sounded low.  
"I understand. It would have been cool to have you join our gang of misfits!" John said. He still wore his clunky glasses though one of the lenses looked a tad cracked. Still, his upbeat personality seemed the same.

Sleeping in a room with many of your old friends felt strange. You weren't used to this but you felt safe. They knew how to fight and so did you so your fears of seeing people you care for die wasn't choking you.  
Still, you slept away from the others.  
Briefly, you wondered if Dave ever thought of you, even now. He must have assumed so many things about your situation. Really, you almost wanted to reveal yourself to show him that you were ok but decided against it. Baggage, that's what you would be. The idiot would probably die protecting you because of his silly crush. In this world, loving someone was like a double-edged sword. On one hand, you got some happiness but on the other, all you got was pain if something happened to them. But perhaps he had gotten over you long ago which you hoped was true. There wasn't anything special about you at all. This is what you've been telling yourself your whole life. So Dave is an idiot and obviously has bad taste. 

Still, your thoughts on Dave kept you up. He looked different from when you last saw him. He was a leader now but it wasn't his appearance that was different but rather how he seemed to act. Sure, he was a little taller and maybe slightly buffer but he seemed serious. A no-nonsense aura seemed to come from him and it made you a little sad. This virus had changed a lot of people and maybe you had changed too. Hell, the old you probably wouldn't be hiding your true identity from friends. 

When you awoke, there was chaos. Apparently an enemy group had led a bunch of zombies to this warehouse. Jade had woken you up so you dug around in your bag and dug out your sickles. When you were first learning to fight, you only used one but two were a lot more effective.  
You made your way outside and scanned the area, taking in your surroundings and where everyone else was so you wouldn't accidently slash a friend. And then, you cut down any zombie in your path.  
Zombies were usually slow and these ones were no exception. It was easy to stab them in the head, pierce their skulls and destroy their brains since after a while, the bones in the walking corpses became weak. 

It was like your body went on autopilot while fighting because while your outer self would be attacking things, your inner self would be casually thinking over things. Rather, it was like listening to music while doing homework. You would listen to the lyrics yet be able to write an essay easily enough.  
Anyway, you hadn't realized how good you were at taking zombies down until they were all dead and some of your old friends were looking at you. Piles of their fallen foes were around them but yours was significantly bigger. Being alone since the outbreak had given you so much spare time which you had used to train so you weren't as good as you seemed. Plus you had to fight alone which gave you a lot of experience when it came to knowing where exactly you should hit a zombie.  
"That was fucking badass." John said.  
No, it really wasn't.  
And everyone was definitely looking at you which made you self-conscious. They couldn't see your face but irrationally, you felt as if they would somehow find out who you are. 

Dave looked pretty surprised but it was kind of difficult to tell since he had sunglasses on. Yeah, he used to wear the stupid things in high school too. You knew why, all of his friends did.  
"Err…" What should or could you say.  
It was Jade who saved you. "Hey, don't make him feel all embarrassed! He's probably really red-faced right now!"  
Curse her. But, it worked because most of them were trying to focus on something else like the disgusting corpses that smelled of burning garbage.  
Jade came over to you and patted you on the back. "It's alright, they just didn't expect you to be good at fighting." You had a feeling it was to do with how short you were since everyone here was taller than you, though slightly.  
It made you smile when you spotted Rose and Kanaya hugging. At least they had each-other but you needn't worry since both were badasses. Well, pretty much all your friends were that way. 

When you were getting ready to leave, the red and blue duo made small-talk with you.  
"It really sucks that you're leaving." John said, sincere.  
"Yeah, Egderp is right for once." Dave agreed. "You dropped those zombies like… Hmm… I got nothing. All the celebrities we know are probably dead so…"  
You rolled your eyes. He would always make silly comparisons to things back in high school.  
"Well, I like to be on the move." You replied. "It keeps me sane." Was it really I lie? You weren't sure.  
But, they seemed to be fine with this answer.  
"Well, don't be a stranger No-Name!" John said cheerfully. "If you happen to see us again then drop in and say hi, ok?"  
"But make sure you don't look so threatening first. Not many people can be trusted these days." Dave added.  
You had a feeling he didn't trust you but that was fine. A hooded guy certainly was suspicious.  
"Sure, seeya."  
And then you made your way down a dirt trail leading away from the warehouse and into the woods. The ground was wet from yesterday's rain but you were careful. Looking back, the two were still watching you go which was a little comforting. 

Yeah, you had been a little sad leaving but it was just a memory now. Days and weeks had passed or maybe a month? Time was the enemy so why keep track?  
Still, you at least thought you knew the season because of the cold. It must have been Autumn and Winter would be a real bitch. It snowed here so you had to find some locations that would be good to go back to for Winter. You had a map and it was marked with various things like the warehouse by your messy scribbles. Sleeping outside wasn't so bad because you had warm clothes and a small blanket. The trees felt like your friends now and would always prevent zombies from eating you as you slept.  
Not falling off the branches sounded like an amazing feat but you had been known to sleep like the dead. Unmoving, no snoring and very quiet. 

Streams of water were your best friend and after observing wildlife drinking from them, you knew which ones were safe. Animals were smart, they could be trusted. Hell, they were smart enough to avoid zombies snacking on them too.  
Your biggest enemy became yourself. Things started to feel endless to you and pointless. Negativity started sinking in to your soul. You never smiled now.  
You weren’t sure what was happening to you. Was it depression? You never really knew that much about mental illnesses so you dubbed yourself as being unhappy. Being so secluded from human-contact had to have done its toll on you. The only words you said were curses so you wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t recognise your own voice by this point.  
Still, at least you were alive. You know that you’re not the only one who made the same choice as you. Others must be battling their inner demons too. 

It was when snow started to fall that you had your little ‘incident’. You had been drowsy of a night spent sleeping in a tree in the rain and rather careless. As usual, you were making your way through the trees when your right ankle started to hurt.  
“Ow…” Your reaction was delayed and your ankle was really starting to fucking hurt. So, you looked down and stopped. A zombie with half of their body out of a bush had their teeth sunk deep into your flesh.  
“Fuck-fuck-fuck-shit-fuck-“  
Snapping out of your tired daze, you grabbed a nearby stick and plunged it deep into the creature’s skull. Even with their brain smashed in, their jaws didn’t detach so you had to pull them off of you which made you scream in pain and anger.  
Once done, you dumped them on the ground and sat down to take a look at the damage. The bite on your ankle was bleeding a lot and it made you queasy.  
Wait, a ZOMBIE had bitten YOU. You were now infected. You were going to fucking die soon.  
“FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!”  
Birds scattered in the nearby trees and more zombies were probably going to come but you didn’t care. You were angry at them and yourself. You’re an idiot. 

You blacked out for a bit after that but when your mind cleared, you were beating a tree-trunk with your fists which caused your knuckles to be sore and bloody. Red was left on the defenceless tree and you gritted your teeth before stopping. It was ok to breakdown, it was fine to throw a tantrum.  
“Fuck!”  
The tree was hit once more before you covered your face with your dirtied hands and started to let everything out. You had lived this long only to be defeated by stupidity.  
It was all going to be fine. You had a long-run and managed to survive independently. Hadn’t your dad always wanted that? Hahaha… fuck. This wasn’t ok. But there was nothing you could do. The virus was already in your blood and getting rid of your leg was impossible and would probably kill you faster due to blood-loss. Oh crap, you still needed to bandage it. 

You had calmed down a little after tending to the bite but you couldn’t stop crying. At least no one would have to see you die…  
From what information you absorbed back in the city, it took about a week until someone turned due to a small bite so you only had a couple of days until the end. Tracking down Dave’s group was out of the option because then they would get infected once you turned. So, it was going to be another lonely week for you but at least you could finally rest, as depressing as it sounds.  
There’s nothing to do in this world but kill or be killed.  
Still, you would have liked to see someone again or just to talk for hours on end. Oh how you missed that. 

You ended up having to limp wherever you went because the pain was just too much. Well, it was more like you kinda did this weird hop thing but sometimes you walked normally, wanting the pain just so you would be reminded that yes, you were still alive. Hunting for food was a bitch but you still had some cans stocked in your bag for emergencies like these. 

On the second day of what you had dubbed as, ‘the end’, you ran into a group of people who looked familiar. One of them had a striking resemblance to Dave and after processing it you recognised the guy to be Dave’s older brother, Dirk. The others in the group seemed to be relatives of your friends too but then your heart nearly stopped.  
As you spied on them through some bushes, you saw Dave and John come out of the cabin the group was occupying. So they had found some of their loved ones? That made you smile a little. Still, what were the chances of coming across them? Strange.

They had been tracking you. This is what you realized when you spotted Dirk examining a blanket that you had ditched after you had used it to soak up some blood from the bite. You hadn’t tried hiding anything. Whatever you no longer needed you discarded carelessly. Dirk was being shown more items that had definitely been yours at one point. Maybe this area had been claimed by them? You had seen gangs from a distance making fences around large areas for themselves. Perhaps this area was like that without you realizing. Come to think of it, hadn’t you crawled through a large hole in a fence a day or two ago? Whoops. Well, at least you took some zombies down which reduced their workload in securing this area. They really needed to fix that hole though.  
“Put your hands where I can see them and don’t move!”  
Shit.  
You really didn’t want to get captured because then the whole group would be in danger. But, you didn’t want to get shot so to hell with it. Fuck it all. 

You ended up being taken to the cabin by Jane who you recall being a friend of Dirk’s and some kind of relative to John somehow. And there, everyone had their eyes on you. This really was a reoccurring thing for you.  
And then, in front of everyone, your hood was flipped back to reveal your face.  
Shit-shit-shit-shit-  
Maybe they wouldn’t recognise you? Your hair used to be dyed black but the regrowth had already happened. Your natural hair colour was orange. You had always hated it, ever since you were young. So it was always dyed something else.  
“Karkat?!”  
Fuck. It had been Dave, of course it had to be.  
You wanted to be somewhere else now, somewhere far away. Besides, if you stayed too long then they were all going to die because of you. Somehow, you couldn’t see them killing you, even if you were infected.  
“Yeah, the one and fucking only.”

You ended up recounting everything to them without really meaning to. It all just came pouring out of your mouth like an unstoppable stream but it felt good to actually talk to people again, to confess everything. 

You spoke of so many things you had tried to forget like how you had witnessed your own father getting eaten alive by zombies. His screams were something you could never forget. You spoke of how you had been so torn up about it and on the borderline of suicide. Your father had meant so much to you and seeing him go was a huge impact. With a coin-flip it had been decided to live so it was chance that you hadn’t gone through with it, as depressing as it sounded. But still, you had gotten times where you kept thinking about it, dying. You guessed it was a common thing for people to think about after the outbreak. Take your own life or die at the hands of zombies… It was a tough choice to make. The third option was to just live but eventually, everyone was going to die one day. It all really depended on how someone wanted to go out. You always wanted to go out with a bang. No, not with a gun. You meant like a badass, a death with honour or some shit.  
Anyway, you retold of your time alone and of learning to fight. Of how you already ran into Dave’s group earlier and of Jade covering for you. Of how you witnessed many human-beings killing each-other throughout your time alone and avoided all contact. You told them everything and spilled out all your troubles, all your secrets until there was nothing left. 

You didn’t expect anybody to cry but they did. Come on, your experiences after the outbreak weren’t that fucking bad. It was nothing amazing, just bits of your shitty life you never want to repeat.  
“And that’s how I got fucking bitten. So, that’s my amazing adventure so far.” You finished, sounding tired as fuck. Your throat hurt since you weren’t used to talking. Your own voice sounded alien.  
You wanted to sleep like really, really bad.  
“Karkat!”  
Man, your eyelids felt heavy and y o u . . .

-you were standing over a bloody corpse. There were bite-marks and chunks of flesh missing which was strange. Their face was unrecognisable because of all their blood. The left side of their head seemed to be missing and now you knew what a human-brain looked like. Your hands were red and your fingernails were broken from too much use.  
Some substance kept dripping from your mouth but you don’t know what it… Oh. Hadn’t you been bitten earlier so then… You… No. NO. You couldn’t have been turned into a monster already! That wasn’t fair, it really wasn’t!  
Without meaning to, your body started to move without your control. It didn’t belong to you now, it belonged to the BEAST. That fucking monster wasn’t you. 

It moved when something else did and relied heavily on sound. Before long, a little girl fell victim to you and was being eaten alive while she screamed. It was terrible and vile. You hadn’t been able to tell her to run because you couldn’t do a damn thing. Karkat was dead, you were just a fragment of him left behind in a s h e l l…  
…  
…

“Ka… at…”  
Your eyes flew open and immediately your hands were the first things you looked at. They were the same dark olive as always and spotless aside from some dirt under the nails. Thank fucking God.  
It seemed that you were on your back and on a bed. When your memories recollected, you decided it was probably in the cabin.  
Oh, hadn’t someone woken you up?  
Dave was sitting in an old chair by your bed and his shades were off. His expression was that of worry and his lip seemed to be bleeding a little. Heh, he used to do that accidently in high school all the time when nervous! Biting the lip was a bad habit but you never had teased him about it.  
You sat up and inspected your ankle. It was bandaged and felt like it was burning. The pain seemed to cover a larger area than you remembered. Maybe you tell how close you were to turning by how much of your body was starting to hurt? Perhaps.

With a sigh, you looked back to Dave and said casually, “Hey.”  
It had been a while since you both met face-to-face without a false identity. So for him, this was like he was speaking to you for the first time since the outbreak.  
Dave looked a mix of things and none of them were good. He seemed conflicted too and his mouth moved to form words but he stopped and bit his lip out of habit before replying, “Uh, yeah. Hey.” He didn’t falter and sounded calm as fuck but you weren’t a total idiot.  
Things were now awkward… You didn’t sign-up for this shit. A memory came to you of one of the last times you two saw each-other in high school. It was a time where you had started to get a bit of regrowth of your gross orange hair and Dave had said, “You look good.” Then too, he had bitten his lip as his cheeks reddened a little, as if he hadn’t meant to say it but it had been blurted uncontrollably out. 

Back to the present, you decided to start the conversation. No one else was in the room so you felt more confident in yourself. “So, how has your life been during all this shit?”  
“A fucking train wreck man. Well, at first it was hard then I joined up with lost friends and it got better then it fucking sucked again.”  
“And now?”  
Dave looked away. “It’s… better. I mean, I found Dirk and his crew so yeah…” Of course, he was holding something back. Fucking douche, he’s just so- “And now you’re back.” Oh, he did have some balls after all. You knew he was trying to avoid mentioning you. Wait, he probably has moved on because really, it’s been about a year now! Crushes faded.  
You never knew how you felt about him liking you. It always seemed too surreal, too impossible. No one had ever liked you before like he did so you were inexperienced when it came to dealing with these things.  
“Yeah, I’m back.” You confirmed.  
He looked at you and then buried his face in his hands. His voice came out muffled as he said, “But you’re going to fucking go away again. Again and again, it’s always gonna happen, huh?”  
“Yeah…” Because in a few days, that was it. You were going to leave forever.  
If you were in Dave’s shoes then you would probably feel abandoned. If you two had switched places then you would be pretty upset.  
You really fucked up. You shouldn’t have tried to avoid friends. Everything would have been fine… Maybe. 

It grew pretty quiet between the two of you. “I still have a few days.” You said after a while which caused Dave to remove his head from his hands and look at you. There seemed to be a glimmer in his eyes. Hope.  
“Maybe the antidote will fall from the sky.”  
“Dumbass, God doesn’t give a shit. Fuck, what am I even saying? I don’t even believe in God!”  
“Neither, Karkles. What if he exists though? Bet he’s gonna hit you with lightning pretty soon.”  
“I think you’re confusing him with Thor.”  
“Oh, right.”  
You were relieved things felt normal between the two of you. You two would always argue or just talk about anything really.  
Still, now was the time to ask something you were dying to know. First, you were going to play a little dumb as if you were just guessing.  
“Dave,”  
He raised an eyebrow and looked curious. “Yeah?”  
“Back before this shitstorm, during high school, did you happen…” You trailed off because he looked very fidgety. “-did you happen to have a crush on me?” He could always deny it and save both of you from having a discussion about feelings. Yuck.

A long stretch of silence occurred after your question. Dave, again, was avoiding looking at you and was biting away at his lip, as usual. His red eyes looked sad though. This discussion was already causing him pain. Your fault, again. Everything was your fault all the time because you were an idiot.  
“Uh, does it matter if I did?” He asked unsurely.  
“Did you?”  
You were an asshole.  
“Y-Yeah, I fucking did. I fell pretty hard…” He murmured. “And I never got back up.”  
So he was still crushing on you. You suddenly wondered if his life had been harder than yours. It probably was. He probably went through some difficult times worrying and wondering what ever happened to you.  
“Stupid, isn’t it? I never even had the balls to just say something. I guess I always told myself that you would reject me and would never talk to me ever again. I couldn’t handle that, not after coming out of the closet. I fell for you and realized I liked dongs during that. Karkles, you knew what our school was like. It was all religious and crap so I was scared. Scared that everybody would find out and hate me for being gay.” He was rambling but you were glad. At least he wasn’t bottling it all up. “I guess it was during English class that I realized that not everybody is open-minded. We had been reading a class novel and I had read ahead because I was bored as fuck and didn’t feel like doing any work. In the story, there was these two gay dudes in a chapter who were obviously side characters ‘cause no fucking book has gays as the main characters who aren’t creepy. The certain chapter explained how they got together. Anyway, when the teacher got up to the chapter he said he was going to skip it because he didn’t want to read it out loud and he said it didn’t actually matter. It hurt me, hearing that bullshit. It mattered to me because that damn chapter was fucking great. In the previous chapter, there was god-damn graphic rape scene yet he was fine with reading that to all of us! But noooo, reading about a gay couple was a big fat NO.”

You were quiet as you processed what he said. You would have been mad if you were in Dave’s place and would have cursed at the teacher before ranting. It wasn’t like you were gay but you would have still been in a rage about it. Really, you didn’t know what your sexuality was. Never had you given much thought about it before. If you liked someone then fine, you liked them. You didn’t really give a shit about gender. It was strange and you had always thought of yourself as a robot with no heart or just a robotic one. You never felt attracted to anyone or called anyone ‘hot’ before.  
“You should have punched the fucker in the face.” You didn’t mean it but Dave knew what you were trying to say because he was looking at you in surprise.  
“Should have flipped the table and thrown the book at the wall before absconding out the window leaving rainbows behind to choke him. It would have been great, Strider.”

You got up from the bed and walked over to him with a smile on your face. “Now give me a fucking hug because you need some lovin’.”  
He slowly got to his feet and hesitated but you wrapped your arms around him anyway. Damn douche was taller. Curse your short legs!  
“This is so fucking gay.” Dave stated with a laugh. He wrapped his own arms around you.  
“God-fucking-damnit-Dave! Don’t ruin the moment! I’m trying to be comforting here.”  
“Haha, soz bro. You smell of pixie dust and pop-tart cats farting out rainbows.”  
You laughed at that and laughed so hard it hurt. God, you missed this damn hipster so much. Sometimes he knew exactly what to say to make you have a laughing fit.  
It was nice being with him again but you couldn’t help but feel regret. 

“So you’re fine with the whole gay thing? And the crush thing?” He asked unsurely.  
“Dave, I don’t give a flying fuck about any of my friends’ sexualities. They can be who they are and I would support them no matter what. As for the crush, I kinda knew about it already.”  
He tensed and drew out of your arms to see your face better. His mouth was wide open and so were his eyes. “Since when?”  
“I don’t know, maybe ninth grade?” You didn’t really know, it was too long ago to recall.  
“Fuck, you could have said something at least. That would have made things easier.”  
“No way! I wanted you to confess.”  
“You’re damn ruthless, you know? Geez.”

After some coaxing, Dave convinced you to leave the room to see the others. In the living room of the cabin was Dirk and his three friends, Jake, Roxy and Jane. They briefly looked at you two before going back to whatever they were doing, probably trying not to make you feel uncomfortable. “I bet Egderp and Jade are off scouting the area. Rose and Kan are probably outside somewhere.” Dave said as you followed him out the door. Your ankle was as always, hurting but you stubbornly ignored the pain.  
Chirping of birds immediately met your ears and seemed to calm you. The sound of swaying leaves in the breeze made you sigh. Despite the world falling into shit, at least there would always be nature. It wouldn’t change.  
Your head was starting to feel a little hazy but that was ok. Everything seemed clear enough to function normally as long as you took things easy. The haziness must be a side-effect from the bite. Pretty soon, you knew you would probably not be able to think correctly. 

The time passed by with you helping Dave and the others out with various jobs like water collecting, ammo counting, killing stray zombies among other things. It didn’t take long to feel comfortable around everyone and soon it felt like high school again. 

The night was spent dreaming of being a monster. This time, you were eating Dave alive and it almost made you puke when you awoke. It was still dark and you were sleeping on a bed while Dave was on the floor. He had said you needed the bed more than anyone which made you feel weak. Still, you had complied. It was just him in the room and you glad. He wasn’t going to ditch you and would spend every last moment with you. It was sad and sweet at the same time. You suppose if things had been different, you could have dated him, even if you didn’t feel in love. Honestly, what did love even feel like? You had no clue. Spending the rest of your life with him didn’t sound bad though. 

The pain was close to your knee now and you were sure by morning it would be up your entire leg. By guessing, you were sure that once it reached your chest, your heart, it was game over. At least your body acted like a clock so you knew when to say goodbye to everyone. Oh yeah, you still needed to discuss how you wanted to go. As soon as you turned, you wanted someone to put a bullet in your head so you wouldn’t harm anyone. You wondered if you would be able to feel pain from the shot but wouldn’t your mind already be lost? Hmm. 

All of your thinking was keeping you up but your mind was abuzz. Whenever you tried to think about nothing, your mind refused to comply to your demands. Fuck your mind and your thoughts. Just. Stop. THINKING. Fuck, didn’t that count as thinking? Damnit brain.  
Your eyes were still open and looking mindlessly at the ceiling. With a huff, you closed them and tried to keep a blank mind. 

-it felt so unnatural, so disgusting. Your skin felt all blistery and your legs were bent at odd angles. They were broken, that much was obvious. You had been too injured to move and had been in the same spot for weeks. You were slowly dying but it was so damn painful feeling your own skin rotting away. Your body sometimes tried to move because the monster was hungry, it was always fucking hungry. Please, you wanted to yell, someone kill me already. You often thought that this was your punishment for something but your memories had gone a long time ago. 

You awoke to someone lightly shaking you. Sluggishly, your eyes opened and you smiled to see Dave. His shades were off so he had woken up not long ago. He only wore his shades off around people he trusted but had to wear them if there was light. His vision was rather useless if there was too much light and the shades helped his eye-condition drastically.  
His hair was a mess which made you snort. 

The day started with you getting everyone to gather and to listen to what you had to say. You explained the whole pain thing and Kanaya suggested taking off your leg but you refused, saying it was too risky. It could have spread further without alerting you through pain. So, you explained that you estimated yourself to be able to hold out for a couple more days. Then you said that you wished to be shot as soon as your mind was lost. You didn’t care who did it.  
Dave, Jade, John, Rose, Kanaya, Dirk, Jake, Jane and Roxy all agreed to this after talking about it amongst themselves. The mood was grim and you didn’t like being the cause of it. Then you asked Dave out on a date in front of the rest and gradually there were a few smiles.

By ‘date’ you meant hang-out basically but hey, it meant the same thing because it wasn’t like you two could actually go to the movies or anything. So, you two ventured around the area. You got given a gun but also had your sickles on you. They were what you were more comfortable using. Dave himself was armed with a small katana on his back and the same kind of pistol you had. 

It wasn’t romantic but it felt just like the old days, only Dave was less of a nervous dork since he knew that you knew about his sexuality and crush. You two talked each-others ears off the entire time while taking down the occasional zombie during it.  
“Like I always wondered why people always stand up in showers. You could totally sit on your ass and the water will still hit you. That way, there’s no chance of falling over.”  
“Who the fuck falls over in showers?” You asked in amusement.  
“I don’t fucking know. It’s just a thought.” He totally sounded like he’d fallen over a few times.  
“Or a memory that you are failing to supress, douchelord.”  
He snorted at you and ran a hand through his blonde locks. “Pfft, I’m too perfect. Striders don’t make mistakes. We’re above all you peasant-folk.”  
Then you tripped him moments later, proving him wrong. “Huh, guess I must have imagined that just now. I’m pretty sure you just fell onto your ass with as much perfection as a hippo on land.”  
“Oh hardy-har-har.”

Really, the day did you both some good. You got to catch up and recount some of your experiences while having some friendly banter in-between. When the sun was starting to set, you made your way back to the cabin slowly so you two could have more time to be alone.  
“Do you know what I miss most? Music. I kept having dreams about my turntables.” Dave said wistfully.  
“You could have married that damn thing considering how much time you spent with it.” You retorted but you too yearned for music. Most of all, you wanted your iPod back which had been left at your house. The damn thing wouldn’t have lasted long though because of the shitty battery life but at least it had your favourite tracks on it and apps. Phones had always seemed overrated to you.  
“Yeah, my one and only love! If only I could have whisked them away in my arms and have lived a happy life in their company. It would have been great and I would have totally invited you to the wedding. Obviously you couldn’t have gone to the honeymoon though.”  
With a snort, you punched the blonde playfully on the arm. “Sometimes I wonder how a never-ending stream of shit leaves your mouth every time you open it.”  
“I wonder about my condition too. Do you think I should go see a doctor?”  
“Fuck yes. Maybe then you could get your head checked too because I think you sneezed out your brain years ago.”

Once back at the cabin, nobody pestered you two to help out or ask as to what you did all day. However, the others kept smiling secretly but they were sad smiles. They really felt bad for how little time you had left and wished, for Dave’s sake, that you would live for much longer than estimated.  
Again, you two got one of the rooms to yourselves. Just as Dave was getting ready to go to bed, you gave him a hug and buried your nose into the crook of the blonde’s neck. “I’m glad that I’m alive.”  
At those words, Dave felt himself tearing up a little. “I-I am too.” He said, not keeping a good control over his voice. His chin rested on your mess of hair.  
“I’m sorry I was an idiot. I’m sorry that I’m going to leave you. I’m sor-“  
“Shhhh.” Dave insisted. He wasn’t sure if he could take much more of you hating yourself because he just wanted you to be happy. Apparently you had such a nice smile and laugh.  
Distantly, Dave recalled the first time he made you laugh. The laugh hadn’t sounded fake or a mean little snicker. It had been pure and was one of the things that led the blonde to fall for you. 

 

“Will you sleep with me?” You asked, your voice coming out as a whisper. “In the bed I mean ‘cause I’m-“  
“Ace as hell?” Dave interrupted. “I am too. We should form our own tribe of asexuals and then die out because there wouldn’t be any children. People would be like, ‘hey, what ever happened to those totally cool guys that used to live around the corner’. Then the other people would answer, ‘I dunno, probably got erased from the fabric of time and space because they didn’t have sex like everyone else’. But then-”  
“Oh my God, shut the fuck up! That’s true but wasn’t what I was getting at, fuckwit!”  
You and he drew out of each-other’s arms and Dave laughed at the insult. “Pfft, sorry. And u-umm… sure. I’m totally down for snuggling with ya. Woo! You’re not very cuddly or affectionate but hey, not gonna pass up on an opportunity like this. Things like this only happen once in a lifetime! Wish I had a camera to document this moment and then frame the pictures in a museum!”  
“Alright, alright. Just shut your hole and get in the bed!”  
“That sounded dirty.”  
“Fucking shut-up!”

It was amazing how you and he could fit on the same bed but then again, neither of you took up much space. So, held in each-other’s arms you slept and you had no problems falling asleep that night.  
The last thought you had was, ‘God, it’s so fucking warm…’ before drifting off.  
For once, the nightmares of gore and death stayed away. 

The next day was more difficult for you. Your lower body was in pain and it reached up to your stomach. Just a little more to go…  
You had told Dave of this and then informed the others just so they could be prepared for your turning. Despite the agony, you were up and about with Dave and this time John went with you two. He had been a close friend of yours before the virus.  
While Dave was climbing a tree for a dare, John was sitting with you and gossiping about the past. “It was pretty rough on him at first. I think he might have suffered from depression at the time actually… You know Dave though, he always tries to hide whatever he’s dealing with from everyone.” John confessed. “But he pulled through. He’s much better now, it’s pretty easy to tell. I think that he held onto the hope that one day you would turn up to get through everything.”  
Both you and he watched Dave with fond looks on your faces. 

“I just regret that I wasn’t there with you guys when the world went to shit. Things could have been better but the past is in the past. I still really fucking regret how things turned out though.” You confessed. “Just look after Dave for me, alright? He needs a babysitter because he always manages to get into shit by accident, the idiot.”  
“Of course, duh! You don’t have to worry.”  
“Ha! Fucking did it!” Dave called from the upper branches of the tree. He couldn’t be seen from where you were sitting but it sounded like his voice came from pretty far up.  
“Great, you proved that you are indeed related to monkeys. I always knew that you weren’t quite human!” You called with a snicker, making sure your voice was loud enough to be heard.  
“Fuck you Karkles, at least I’m not actually a demonic cat pretending to be human!”  
“Pfft.” John covered his hand over his mouth at the friendly banter. 

When you guys were walking back, you suddenly started to feel dizzy. The world was spinning around you and you heard your name called before you were pulled into darkness.  
Just like many nights before, you dreamt of the horrors that plagued your mind. This dream was much more intense because you were chasing after yourself. The other you was human while you yourself were a hideous zombie suffering from starvation. Everything had a green tint to it and was a blur but your prey was outlined with glowing red so following them was easy. They were quick but so were you and they ended up getting into a dead-end in their panic.  
Back to the wall, they shakily held a pistol and fired but was off target. You kept on coming and they kept firing and although a few bullets hit, they didn’t manage to slow you down or stop you.  
Once close enough, you grabbed them by the shoulders with an iron grip and sunk your teeth into the flesh of their neck, their blood flowing into your mouth. You then swiftly moved your head back and they screamed in pure agony as you took out a chunk of flesh.  
You weren’t really sure what happened next but moments later the world seemed to explode. Multiple colours rushed into your sight and you could no longer comprehend what was happening.

You awoke to being in a bed with everyone in the room, looking at you worriedly. There was a damp cloth on your forehead and you felt so very tired. Every single part of your body stung and the area around your heart hurt the most. It felt so tight like something was constricting it. Each heart-beat was agonizing.  
“I’m going to… Die very soon, aren’t I?” You asked, already knowing the answer.  
“Yeah…”  
You brought one of your hands to your face and saw that your skin was a sickly pale. Oddly enough, you didn’t feel afraid. It was much better than being eaten alive this way so it was ok. It was more than ok. It was fine… No, it wasn’t fucking fine but there was absolutely nothing you could do about it. You had heard of stories where people fought off illnesses by pure will and belief but this wasn’t like that at all or at least, you didn’t think it was.  
As you looked at the others, everything looked warped and out of proportion. This must be a side-effect, obviously. No wonder people lost their minds after being bitten. 

You felt oddly light-headed and sighed. Someone grabbed your hand and you didn’t have to see to know who it was.  
“I’m going to be right here so don’t… Don’t be scared, alright?” Dave said with a strained voice. Something wet dripped on your cheek and you knew that he was crying, even if he was trying not to.  
“F-Fuck, we never even got to kiss, did we?” You responded with a giddy smile, trying to lighten the mood. “So kiss me then my douchy prince charming.”  
There was a few laughs from the others and the blurry red that you knew was Dave leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on your cheek. It was quick but you knew what it meant; ‘Goodbye’.  
“Mmm… Don’t follow after me.” You murmured. “Or I’ll kick your skinny ass in the afterlife.”  
“I know. I won’t do anything stupid… Just try to haunt me if you can, alright?”  
“Sure, whatever you sa….”

You were now floating in front of a mirror reflection of yourself. The other you was grotesque and was missing chunks of flesh. Their jaw seemed to be hanging loosely as if broken and their eyes were a disgusting green.  
There was something in your hand. With a glance you saw that it was a sickle and with a shrug you struck the mirror with it, shattering it into fragments. Maybe you shouldn’t have done that but past you had always been an idiot, always impulsively doing things without thinking…  
Ear-piercing screams filled your ears and you felt as if your head was going to explode. It hurt, it hurt so much… Please stop, please stop, stop, stop, stop…. Sorry Dave, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry that I was an idiot…

 

Then you 

w o k e u p

...

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: You can decide for yourself what happened in the end. I myself like happy endings so one theory could be that Karkat was kind of immune due to his blood which is a reference to him having freaky blood in Homestuck and he was able to overcome the virus or he just became a zombie or whatever... eh. 
> 
> It’s been weeks since I started this yet I never could get a flow going for long. If I had then I would have finished this within days.


End file.
